I know it’s not all that uncommon for people with CF to cough up blood, but that doesn’t mean I’m not scared as hell.
Tim is so brave. They took a bunch of blood for testing yesterday, enough to fill what looked like a little Tabasco bottle. This kind of thing doesn’t bother him. He’s used to it. I’ve been with him for over five years and a dozen or so hospitalizations but I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to it. I have no idea what I’m doing, even after all this time. I can barely put up with the environment of the hospital when I visit him; he has to sleep there. He’s so brave. He’s so strong. He doesn’t even know.
I hate it when I post on Facebook that he’s in the hospital and some old friend who’s never even met him is like OOMMMMGGG WHAT HAPPENED. I don’t know where to begin. I don’t know how much I want to explain. Because every time I finally get the ovaries to tell someone it’s cystic fibrosis, they always always ALWAYS say, “That’s bad, isn’t it?” They don’t know what it is, but they know that it’s bad. And I can only explain it so many times before I realize I’ll never be as brave or as strong as Tim.
